Prince of the Land of …Stench? Poor Sirius!
by circewitch
Summary: Hermione is wished away to a far off land. Fortunately she meets someone she thought was lost. Now all they have to do is find a way home before the Goblin King decides to give a new title to everyone’s favorite Grim look-a-like.


Posted Mon 20 August 2007

Title: Prince of the Land of …Stench? Poor Sirius!

Date Started: 03-2006

Status: Ongoing

Rating: currently 17+

Pairings: hr/sb, hr/rl, sb/rl, sb/hr/rl

Crossover: Harry Potter/Labyrinth

Disclaimer: I don't own anything remotely related to Harry Potter. If I did…well, it certainly wouldn't be considered a children's book, that's for sure.

I don't own the Labyrinth either. *sigh of despair*

Summary: Hermione is wished away to a far off land. Fortunately she meets someone she thought was lost. Now all they have to do is find a way home before the Goblin King decides to give a new title to everyone's favorite Grim look-a-like.

**Chapter One**

Hermione awoke to the familiar sound of an owl pecking on her window. She brushed her hair out of her face and cracked one eye open to see whose it was. Shock bolted through her as she shot straight up and stared at the bird.

"Oh, for a moment there I thought you were someone else's owl." She sighed with both relief and a little regret. At first glance it had appeared that Hedwig was at the window but she was dead, had been for years now. Hermione pulled back the bed sheets and made her way over to the window to let the owl in.

"You might as well come in…you don't have a letter for me? That's odd. Well, I'll go get some owl treats. Wait right there." She turned towards the door when a chill ran down her spine. Startled, she glanced around the room to find the cause. There, sitting on the window seat, was a man. And not just any man, one who was obviously trying to look muggle but fell a few decades short in the fashion department.

"You're an animangus? I didn't know there was any owl animagi currently registered. The last one was Sebastian Fowler in 1743. Why are you in my bedroom, anyway? Who are you?"

"My name is Jared and it appears you were wished away." The man's voice was rich and musical which, in Hermione's opinion, was all the more reason to be wary of him.

"Wished away?" She scoffed. "Like in that muggle movie? You have got to be kidding. Who put you up to this? The twins? I'll pay you double what they are for you to leave." Hermione frowned and tried to think of a reason why George and Fred would play a joke like this on her. It just didn't make sense.

"I most certainly am not kidding. Some bumbling fool, Ron, I think, wished for the goblins to take you away. Something about being bookish and clingy."

Hermione's face grew red with fury. "So what if I am a bit bookish? At least I can read. And it's him that is clingy. How dare you come in here and insult me like this. Please leave!"

Jared looked at the fuming young woman before him and laughed.

"What do you find so funny?"

"I will definitely enjoy having you around the castle, Hermione. It's a pity we don't send the unwanted through the Labyrinth. I seriously doubt your Ron will even find the door to get in."

"Yes he…well…I see your point on that. But what do you mean 'around the castle'? Won't I be turned into a goblin?"

"Absolutely not! We haven't done that in centuries. The unwanted are given a new life away from whoever discarded them. They can have a job anywhere in the Kingdom. That way they can benefit by choosing something either fun or challenging. It is very difficult to become bored in the Underground." The man looked at Hermione with a twinkle in his ere that eerily reminded her of Albus. "You know, I have a library that dwarfs that of Alexandria."

"Really? How many books? Alexandria eventually boasted over…"

"Yes, yes. I am more aware of the details of that particular city than you could possibly imagine." Jared was kind enough to ignore the unladylike snort that Hermione was unable to suppress. "Well, as I was saying. There are four stories divided into thirty-eight sections. The works are in over twelve thousand languages, human and magical creature, and quite a few of those have been extinct for a very long time. We use the Dewy decimal system, of course, and…"

**~~~~Scene Change to Ron.~~~~**

Ron stalked back the way he came, taking the time to kick some dirt at a fairy perched on a nearby leaf.

"This bloody wall goes on forever! There isn't even a bloomin' door! That stupid dwarf must have something to do with this. The little bugger wouldn't even tell me how to get into the labyrinth." He came to a stop and sat down. "Well, there's nothing more I can do. That freak with the mullet must've been pulling my leg. I bet there isn't even a castle," he muttered.

"Shows what you know," came a gruff voice off to his right.

"Hedgehog!"

"It's Hoggle! And if you can't find the door you might as well give up."

"I can't just give up, can I? Everyone will blame me for her disappearance!"

"It _was_ your fault…"

"That's not the point." Ron scrunched up his face in deep concentration. "I could tell them we had a fight and she moved out of the country. Yeah, that's perfect! I'll just shrink all of her stuff and hide it in the attic. No one would know!"

"Ah, a prime candidate for the position of the Earl of the Bog of Eternal Stench! How wonderful."

Ron quickly stood and spun to face the new voice.

"You…"

"Yes, me. Are you really ready to give up? It's only been two hours. You have eleven more to go," Jared reminded.

"There's no reason to stay here. I can't get to Hermione, anyway. She'll be fine; probably make a support group for these annoying fairies that really need to be exterminated. Higgly has the right idea with that spray gun thingy."

The Goblin King pursed his lips in irritation. "So you are forfeiting your remaining time and wish to return home?" He raised one elegant eyebrow and frowned at Ron.

"Yes?" Ron looked a little uncertain now that he had to make a real decision.

"Fine. I will send you back and keep Hermione here." Jared conjured a crystal and threw it at Ron who then disappeared in a burst of glitter.

Updating takes time and motivation, neither of which is easy to come by, at least not this year. So don't expect me to update any time soon.

Suggestions are welcome. Please review even if it is just a little gem like this: "Wow, you suck."


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